Five Years in One Minute

"Matthew is going to come and stay next Tuesday."
"Oh yeah, the new one then?" my brother, Joe, looks up from his dinner.
"Yes, the new one."
“You've had quite a few boyfriends, haven't you Jess? Let's see . . . The first one was that Chav boy-racer then yeah? And then there was the cocky know-it-all, and then, God, who came next?”
“Jamie,” the mother pipes up,"they were actually together for a while,"
“Oh yeah? I forgot about him. What was his story then?”
“He didn’t really have one,” I mutter, pushing my broccoli around my plate, knowing the truth in what I was saying, “He was just a pretty face really.”
“OK, then you had a year or so off, and then there was, what...Pete?”
“No Joe!” Mum laughs. “You’re forgetting Tom, Yanis and that other one, you know, the Australians!”
“Piss off mum, they weren’t boyfriends!”
Dad re-enters the dinning room, holding his jar of olives.
“Well, you slept with them...!”
"Who are you sleeping with?" He's incredulous, flops down into the chair.
"You can't be having sex, you're only thirteen!"
"Mum, I didn't dad! She's, oh just f-,"
It's no good. She's laughing, dad's having heart palpitations and Joe is asking what happened to the ex, because, he actually, was 'nice'.
Yeah. Sure.
I stand up and walk out.
Great.
So now I’m a whore, as well as someone with bad taste in men.